Guilty as charged

Should I blog about feeling guilty?

About being guilty (and for what infraction)?

OK, both. I feel guilty about drinking. Not actually drinking, as I’ve now officially been a non-drinker-of-adult-alchoholic-beverages for over three years. But dreaming about drinking. Once in a while (much less often than it used to be), I have a dream in which I drink. Sometimes it’s a lot, but even if it’s just a single Moosehead, I wake up just feeling awful. I know I’ve blown it. Ruined everything. Gone back to square one. And even after I (and my wife, children, and extended family) convince me that it was just a dream, I still have a hangover. All morning.

It’s not fun.

I know there’s no reason for me to feel this way, but even worse, it’s unqualified guilt. There’s nothing I can do to take responsibility for what I did, other than to go to dreamland rehab. I don’t ever want to feel this way again. I didn’t state this as a resolution, but I’m putting it out there now: I don’t want to experience guilt this year. Not even once.

Top 10 ways I’m going to avoid guilt:

10. Hire Dennis Quaid to enter my dreams and stop me from drinking.

9. Become a Puritan. Or a Spartan. Whichever membership is cheaper.

8. Create a ‘This many days [X] without guilt’ sign and hang it in my office.

7. Look for a job every single day until I find one (phone inerview today! Woot!).*

6. Turn off my emotion chip.

5. Tell myself not to drink before I fall asleep.

4. Drink as much as I want in my dream, but then throw up, have a hangover, and wake up feeling refreshed.

3. Intentionally dream about something other than drinking. Like clowns.

2. Just stay awake. All the time.

1. Tape a motivational poster over my bed: Easy does it. One dream at a time.

*Not related to the guilt about dream-drinking, but another potential source of guilt.